I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
