the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
