MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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