I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
