I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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