I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
