He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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