dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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