Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
