"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
