I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
