I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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