I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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