I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize