Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
