Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
