Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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