I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
