It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
where are my eyebrows?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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