I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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