i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize