Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
