If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
