I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
