I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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