Well apparently he's into motor boating.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
