Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
tell me about the eggs
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
