he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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