I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
