I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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