Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
