i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And then my night got REAL pukey
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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