i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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