...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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