I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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