i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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