I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
