Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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