are you still at the devil's house?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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