Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
