i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
