Tell her she can't have a vagina
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
