Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
