R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
