I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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