Kiss
Puke
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Bring me that man meat
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
