Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
