I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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