sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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