I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
