my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
