I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
