he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
