I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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