I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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