is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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